Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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