If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she smelled like a LAN party
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
