my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
