i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
