I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I want her autograph on my taint
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
