It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
