i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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