Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
