its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
