I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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