I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
