Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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