my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
