You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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