If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
