u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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