Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
