So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
