This house was built for laser tag.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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