only if we run a train.
done.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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