Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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