The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
