I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You pole danced in your parka.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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