I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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