I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
