Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
