I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
