Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Houston, we have a squirter
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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