I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
