I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
