there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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