I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
