im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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