We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
