Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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