Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
