What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
