turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
