My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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