We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
When did we convert life to cartoon?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
