this beer tastes like vomit already
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
