This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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