i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
