saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My liver just broke up with me...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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