I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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