I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
