maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
love makes seman taste better
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
