You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
