Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Dick very happy bro
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
