I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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