i permit you to call me
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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