So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
