woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
