i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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