How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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