I need to stop coming to work sober
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He? As in you personified your dick?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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