Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
