Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
