Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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