I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We need to get me chipped asap
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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