Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Sorry about my life...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
